Love and Marriage in Turkey

Turkey’s rich traditions and unique cultural practices surrounding love, marriage, and family life can seem unusual to outsiders, with some aspects appearing rather old-fashioned. 

However, they offer a fascinating glimpse into a world where family and community play central roles. 

Let’s take a closer look at Turkish customs around dating, engagement, marriage, and the arrival of children, and how these traditions are still a part of modern life in Turkey.

Dating in Turkey

Dating in Turkey varies greatly depending on where you are. 

In larger cities like Istanbul, Izmir, and Ankara, dating is quite similar to Western practices, with couples freely going out, meeting through mutual friends, or using dating apps like Tinder.

However, in rural areas, the approach is much more conservative. 

Traditional values often dominate, with dating seen as a serious step toward marriage rather than something casual.
 

In some rural regions, old customs, like arranged marriages, still exist. For example, it wasn’t too long ago when a woman’s single status was “advertised” by placing an empty bottle on her roof, signaling that she was available for marriage. 

A suitor would knock down the bottle, which was a signal for her father to assess his suitability as a husband. 

While this practice is less common today, the idea of family involvement in relationships is still strong in many parts of Turkey.
 

In more modern parts of the country, love is celebrated with grand romantic gestures. It’s common for declarations of love to come early in a relationship, often accompanied by gifts and flowers to show devotion. 

While this may seem intense to some, it’s seen as sweet and genuine in Turkish culture. However, living together before marriage is still rare, and sex before marriage remains a taboo topic in many communities.

Engagement in Turkey

Engagements in Turkey are big family affairs, steeped in tradition. In many cases, the groom must officially ask for the bride’s hand in marriage, often with a formal visit to the bride’s family. 

During this visit, the bride is expected to serve coffee to her future in-laws. In some playful versions of the tradition, the groom’s coffee is deliberately made salty as a test of his patience and love for the bride.

Once the engagement is agreed upon, an engagement party is held, often as elaborate as the wedding itself. 

Rings are exchanged, and the couple is celebrated with dancing, food, and family blessings.

Getting Married in Turkey

In Turkey, a legal civil ceremony is required to formalize a marriage, but many couples also choose to have a religious ceremony. 

This can take place a few days before or after the legal wedding, with close family and friends attending a service that mirrors Western-style weddings.

The lead-up to a Turkish wedding is filled with events and rituals. 

One of the most significant is the henna night, a women-only event held a few days before the wedding. 

The bride wears a red or purple dress and veil, and her hands are adorned with henna while women sing traditional songs, some joyful and others expressing sadness over the bride leaving her family home.
 

On the day of the wedding, a convoy of decorated cars, complete with flowers and ribbons, arrives to collect the bride. 

Often, children will block the cars, expecting envelopes of money as part of the festivities. Once at the wedding venue, guests line up to pin money or gold onto the bride’s dress, a tradition meant to help the couple start their new life together.

Pregnancy and Birth in Turkey

After marriage, questions about children come quickly. 

In Turkey, having children is seen as one of the most important aspects of married life. Childless couples are often encouraged by family and friends to start a family soon, and any delay is met with curious questions and, often, unsolicited advice.

Pregnancy is a time filled with old traditions and superstitions. 

A pregnant woman will often receive gifts of gold from her mother-in-law, and in some rural areas, her status is marked by symbols on her clothing. 

Predicting the baby’s gender and future fortune is often a favorite topic of conversation among relatives, with all manner of old wives’ tales being used to make guesses.
 

After the baby is born, tradition dictates that the new mother stays indoors for 40 days. This old custom likely stems from a time when infant mortality was high, and it’s still practiced today, though not always strictly. 

Gifts for the newborn will often include the nazar (evil eye) to protect the baby from harm, a common token of good luck and protection in Turkish culture.

In some regions, families plant trees to celebrate the birth of a child: chestnut, mulberry, or apple trees for girls, and pine or poplar trees for boys. 

This beautiful tradition symbolizes the growth of the child alongside the tree, deeply rooted in Turkey’s agricultural past.

Conclusion

Though Turkey has modernized in many ways, its traditions surrounding love, marriage, and family remain strong, particularly in rural areas. Whether it’s the grand gestures of courtship, the elaborate engagement rituals, or the joyful wedding celebrations, Turkish culture offers a unique and colorful approach to life’s biggest milestones. For those looking to marry or start a family in Turkey, it’s a chance to participate in time-honored traditions that continue to evolve alongside modern life.

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